Million: Bestiary

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Million: Bestiary

Because no setting would be complete without some sort of specific critters, here is a list of creatures that can be encountered in Million.

A fair warning should be made, though. Sometimes, the brain just cannot take anymore and sends a strong message before it feels the need to implode as a desperate mean of self-preservation. When someone starts seeing or believing in some of the critters listed below, it might seriously be time for them to just give up and book a room in some asylum on Diggers' Hill. Unlike pumpkins, some things are only the product of overtaxed minds.


Egotistical epicures and master manipulators, cats are devilish creatures that have practically enslaved humanity. They are fed, pampered, groomed, attended to, but they remain free and in control. They do not wish to become rulers of Millions, however, preferring the simple comfort of a home, the devotion of a few slaves and the freedom to act as they please.

It should be noted that allergic reactions to cats can lead a human mind to understand the insidious nature of their feline slavers. However, those under the mind control (often refered as thralls) will never see reason even when presented with strong evidence. People allergic to cats (they like to call themselves the unfettered) sometimes form small bands of freedom fighters, but their efforts are usually in vain. They do believe in a hidden prophecy that can identify humanity's savior.

Also, pumpkins are cats' natural enemies. They chew them furballs for fun.

Dirty Laundry

Left alone and ignored for too long, these things tend to grow in size and develop a proportionally twisted intellect. When given half a chance they ambush random people, jumping on them and attempting to usurp control over their body. There is nothing more troubling than being possessed by an entity with a dirty mind that is intent on discovering what bizarre satisfactions the world has to offer.

A pumpkin is recommended for more expeditive and merciful results.

Evil Squirrels

They are out there, in haunted foggy country. Covertly watching. Secretly plotting. Patiently bidding their time. For the bastard children of Million's royalty and humanity's nemesis firmly believe they should be on the throne. They possess uncanny abilities and have long ago traded their soul for the power to swallow others', a feat which requires hard nuts, strong conviction, and lots of screeching.

Squirrels are slowly teaching people who the real masters are and as a result their spies in Million are regularly fed. But overcoming human ignorance is only half the battle since evil squirrels compete and often clash with cats and pumpkins because they all seek the same turf, but for totally opposite goals. They do, however, have a non-aggression treaty with the rats and sometimes gain access to their underground world.


Whether an ancient demon of flames and shadows, a diabolically cruel and wicked person, or your average pumpkin, these critters are best handled with care. Fiends usually try to be major and dramatic obstacles or important, even recurring villains. Sometimes they can be mook magnets, but usually do not think much of their followers. Fiends should be used sparringly, but efficiently, if not ruthlessly.


Many ghosts will defy both MAD act and confinement to enter Million. Some are trying to avoid the crowd, seeking the solitude and quiet they believe the dead deserve. Some are looking for the opportunity to meet a living loved one. Others only want to accomplish more sinister goals or are trying to claim Million. Finally, a few might have escaped confinement Not all ghosts are equally subtle, but some manage to escape ghost hunters for quite some time, at least until rumors catch up with them.

Pumpkins also have good reasons to enter Million, are very spooky, and also require the intervention of specialists. Therefore, both ghosts and pumpkins can be used interchangeably.


A hydrant is a wild plant mostly considered to be a weed and a nuisance. A hydrant typically grows as tall as a human leg and is rather stocky with a very hard, reddish bark. It does not grow leaves or branches, but when it reaches maturity, a couple of holes open up and the thing starts spewing a large amount of water before shriveling out. Left unchecked, hydrants can quickly change any landscape in a swamp. MUSE scholars from the department of botanical engineering are trying to find useful applications for the thing. Their chief project is actually a water slide theme park.

When in need of a real menace disguising as a plant, use a pumpkin.


The orange peril is the ubiquitous menace in Million. Use with caution. Kill before consumption.

Random Crazies

Rogue waiters, mad preachers, raving grannies, everybody's mind snaps at some point, but it can be a while before anyone will notice or bother. Crazies eventually get apprehended and disposed of appropriately, but in the meanwhile they can be classified as critters.

To add another level of danger, randomly replace crazies with pumpkins.


A staple of random encounter tables and humanity's greatest nemesis, besides itself. And the pumpkins.

Sentient Item

Because sometimes monsters become too predictable, or they simply need a break. However, a stuck door, an overstuffed cupboard, or a pumpkin should not be taken lightly and can prove to be as challenging and entertaining as any critter, and often in a more devious way.

Sewer Thing

It is a thing and it lives in the sewers. Sometimes called a pumpkin. Often confounded with the folks from the sewers or a dirty hobo. Sewer things produce rumors and feed on wild imaginations. People talk about them a lot, but they remain a rare sight. A few adventurers take interest in their existence, but sewer things seem to elude all but the less reliable witnesses. Sewer things could be big, maybe even tall, with stuff on their body and usually dark of color. They blend well with their environment. Some even swear they saw sewer things that looked exactly like something else.

Smoky Fairy

In Million, fairies are somehow akin to mosquitoes, though they are slightly bigger, more intelligent, less alien-looking and do not suck blood. They are, however, very annoying with their irritating manners, buzzing wings and shrilling voice. They are very persistent about being bothersome and take it personal when they are ignored. In the end, everybody only wish to swap them, but seeing one of their own gets squashed only makes them vindicative. Getting rid of fairies can be quite difficult.

Fairies possess their own foreign language, their own eccentric customs, and their own cigarette brands. Many people actually like the smell of fairy smoke, though research in the matter of fairy tobacco progresses at a very slow pace.

A pumpkin is the natural equivalent of a giant fairy, though it is generally agreed they are annoying in a toothier sort of way.


A greedy predator, ready to cheat the money out of anyone at the slightest opportunity. Often a moneylender. They are very common in shady corners, but use deception to survive in mainstream areas. They breed fast and are very cunning and adaptable.

In a pinch, a shark can easily be replaced with a suspicious-looking, partially fed pumpkin.


Sometimes, too much drug, sleep deprivation or boredom can cause someone's mind to shut off. Suddenly believing to be brainless, newly created zombies wander off in search of their lost brain. Due to their lack of cognitive power, the easiest way they can manage to get a brain is by taking others'. Zombies often get together in packs, which makes them more dangerous but does little to solve their initial problem.

Since an intelligent zombie simply is a regular schmoe, a pumpkin is a better choice when a clever brain-eating critter is needed.

Risus: The Anything RPG was created by S. John Ross and is Copyright ©1993-2013,2021 by Dave LeCompte

Million: Another Fantasy City ©2008-2010 by André Lacerte.