Million: Abridged Guidebook

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Calendar

There are six moons floating over Million and they are named after mythical characters: the Bouncy Beauty, the Love Interest, the Mysterious Stranger, the Redshirt, the Sidekick, and the Wise Old Guy. Each moon completes its cycle in a different number of days, something like (following the order above) 30, 36, 42, 24, 48 and 54. Much like anywhere else, they kind of influenced time keeping.

Before the famous Mercurian calendar, time was more or less successfully kept in check in a rather random manner. Each month was named after a moon and then changed moon each month. This led to some confusion and much abuse and nowadays the method is obsolete. Mostly.

The Mercurian Calendar

Adopted a very long time ago, the calendar is loosely based on the iconic labors of some antique hero who inspired generations of pottery artists, hero-wannabes, and calendar makers. The calendar follows the Love Interest over a year of 432 days divided in 12 months named thusly: the Cat, the Hydrant, the Moose, the Board, the Unstable, the Pigeons, the Bull, the Ponies, the Corset, the Goats, the Apples, and the Beast.

Days are counted in faces (the first 12 days of the month), sixes (the next six days), and dings (the last 18 days). The most important day of the month is the last day, called Pay Day, which is also the very same day on which interests and rents are due. Since many people will do things tomorrow while many others wanted them yesterday, these are the two basic time measuring units.

Campaign for the Redshirt

While nobody of great influence is disputing the actual length of a year, there are some who would prefer to use another moon, one that embraces the changes of modernization and let go of old mythology, one that puts more emphasis on the normal people and less on the hero. This is the proposed spirit behind the Campaign for the Redshirt, but since the main motivators are innkeepers, many think money is the real reason since, of course, rents are paid monthly.

The Barley-Darling Countdown to Tentacled Hell, Unending Liquescence and Hopeless Underworld

In an attempt to decipher the cryptic writings of H. P. Lorecraft, Robby Barley and Augustin Darling assembled the less disturbing parts of his stellar charts and somehow turned them into a weird calendar, the C. T. H. U. L. H. U. for short, a countdown toward some sort of inevitable doom that will ultimately befall Million. However, not only are people unconcerned due to the fact that someone will be undoubtedly prophesied to deal with the situation, but the infamous Tentacle Day has already been postponed twice: once due to a simple calculation error and once because the tentacles, apparently, went to sleep. They are expected to wake up on a Moon Day. The theory as to what this actually means is the day when the moons will align in a manner and time appropriate for a colorful stellar manifestation to occur so subtly that the mere realization it has just happened will send the living minds into a space-time continuum where it is always Sun Day. Mindless people will be replaced by tentacles. That is, unless someone manages to wake up the tentacles before.

While working on the calendar, Barley developed the belief that one of the moons is actually an artificial creation designed by the Umbrella Makers Guild. He has since become a fervent conspiracy theorist. For his part, Darling's dangerously deranged imagination spawned a whole pantheon of unsavory entities. He can now be found preaching in the Red Light District, explaining the intricate relations between stellar events and creative tentacle husbandry, unleashed lewdness and humid unions.

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Confinement

Confinement is usually the solution against crime. Ghost are sealed in red clay pots about the size of a big fist and locked by the dozens in tiny dark rooms. Humans are not put in pots but otherwise suffer a similar fate only to be left out once their sentence is over. Prisons are usually not very big and located in locked and guarded towers that run along the city walls.

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Criminal Organizations

All is not pink and fluffy in Million. It is rather grey and wet and there is some pretty nasty stuff. Crime has a place and so do those who organize it and they are in constant battle with those who wish crime had no place anywhere in Million. Criminal organizations are not thief guilds, unless they would constantly go beyond their quota. These are organizations that dwell in trully despicable stuff, like pyromania, dementation and racketeering.

Sample of Criminal Organizations

Firestarters

The firestarters originally were vigilantes specialized in starting fires where it cannot actually start. They saw themselves as benefactors and liberators whose goal was to free the people from the firefighters oppression. Somehow they thought they fought organized crime: fight fire with fire! However, their chaotic and unpredictable ways proved to be too much for the firefighters to handle and soon they became hated by all.

Realizing they could not go on like this, the firestarters decided to compromise. Instead of using random violence to deal with the whole "firefighters versus the public" conflict, they opted for a more business-like approach and decided to propose their services as professional pyromaniacs. Their goal is still the same, they just developed some sort of conscience and therefore they do not start fires without actually having been contracted. Nowadays, firefighters secretly hire firestarters in order to have a chance to do their job. Though these illegal dealings can bring lots of shame on all parties involved if discovered, a successful operation gets the firefighters off the back of everybody else and reaps lots of votes.

Lords of Laughter

While it is common belief that laughing alone is a sign of mental instability, a few people actually believe that laughing altogether is a dangerous activity. These people spend their time depressed and grumpy or write melodramatic plays and emotional poems in an attempt to make everybody else sad and depressed.

However, some people have decided to embrace the notion in an entirely different way. The Lords of Laughter (LOL for short) are a post death ban, not so secret organization of people eliminators who get paid to provoke an untimely sanity breakdown in their target. Their weapon of choice is, of course, laughter. No matter whether someone believe or not that laughing makes insane, laughing with a LOL is a one way ticket to Diggers' Hill.

The LOL are accomplished stand-up comedians expert at making their target laugh their way into madness. They do not, however, skulk around to surprise their victims with a profoundly disturbing comical quip thrown at them when they least expect it. They approach their target cunningly disguised as someone with whom they want to talk. A few minutes later they leave behind a laughing - and quite insane - victim.

Villain People

One of the best known criminal organization, the Villain People are career criminals notorious for dealing in all sorts of illicit activities and for owning most costume hobby shops and designer brands, their main trademark being they like to dress up in extravagant fashion.

Villain People are divided in groups, often called families, each operating in a different district. Conflicts between families are not uncommon and were traditionally resolved violently with the losers ending up deep into the harbor. While, despite the MAD act, some still hold to this archaic tradition, more and more conflicts are now resolved on the fashion runway where independent judges grant victory to the most outrageous designers, who are of course sponsored by the Villain People.

Sample of criminal activities the Villain People get into.

Demolition Racket: Many inn owners resort to underhand methods to get the upper hand and the Villain People take advantage of this. They will accept money from an inn owner to sabotage a rival's inn. Of course, the rival is allowed to make a counter offer. The price can be raised again and again until someone cannot pay anymore and becomes the target. Since cash is paid up front, the Villain People can choose to step out of the deal at any time after a counter offer has been made without attacking anyone on the grounds that everybody has paid not to be destroyed.

Ghost Jar Contraband: This activity exists because many unconscionable people think ghosts in bottles make lovely decorations. The Villain People hire unscrupulous ghost catchers to capture "free" ghosts in glass jars to be sold in sewer markets. Of course, possession of a confined ghost is punishable by confinement, but many are still willing to take the risk.

Staging Prophecies: A charlatan prophesier working for the Villain People prophesy all sorts of wonderful things to the victim. The Villain People then make sure these things come true. Not only the victim pays big money to the prophesier, but the prophesies put them in circumstances where they become vulnerable to other scams.

Sticker Dealing: Producing and trafficking stickers is always a lucrative business for the Villain People.

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Death

Put quite simply, people in Million do not die. Not that they cannot: it is still possible if someone really, really wants it to happen. But the whole dying business has been forbidden by the act of Mutual Accommodation and Decorum. Million's alternative to death is insanity.

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Diseases

In a somewhat more normal world, most diseases incapacitates to a certain degree or bring about an early demise. Million has its share of nasty bugs, but some had to evolve considerably in order to maintain their status of calamities against people who do not easily die.

The process of catching diseases and the way to treat them can be easily explained by a skilled and imaginative doctor using the rule of five. Results, however, may vary.

Sample of Dangerous Diseases

Bucolic plague

This disease slowly alter the mind of infected people in such a way that they gradually believe they are sheep. Not only will they act like sheep, but they will try to escape from the city and regroup with other infected people in fields where they compete with actual cattle.

Pneumatic Plague

People infected with this disease slowly start to hold their breath for longer and longer periods of time, as if they were afraid of losing air. While this only prevents them from doing such things as talking or blowing candles for example, later symptoms send them right up Diggers' Hill. Indeed, infected people can go down the streets rolled in a ball, lie still on water and float, or jump down rooftops as if trying to take to the air.

Small Pots

Also known as the red plague, this disease is mostly an annoyance and only dangerous some of the times. Once infected, the diseased starts seeing red clay pots where there are none. The majority of people only see a few pots wherever they look, while some see lots of them. These pots are quite real to the diseased and must be dealt with accordingly. For example, the diseased will need to remove a pot it sees on a chair in order to use it. The disease becomes dangerous when its victims see too many pots to be able to operate normally.

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Drugs

Yes, even a paradise such as Million is plague by drugs. Besides the usual stuff that nobody really wants to call drug there is one - whether or not it qualifies as a drug matters not - that represents such a calamity that a special force fights alongside the authorities to put an end to its use. Or at least to force the dealers to change their glue stuff.

This growing scourge takes the form of stickers. Cheap stuff are poorly drawn images that do not really inspire. Expensive stickers have beautiful images, sometimes illegally drawn by renowned artists who want to make a quick profit. The new trend is to have one single image drawn over more than one sticker, thus forcing the customers to pay more for potentially better results.

These images are called stickers because addicts, also called stickers, stick them on their body, usually where the light shines less. The glue stuff used to achieve that comes from crushed blue flowers, charming and sweet-smelling flowers that are guaranteed to please the eye, though at an increasingly higher cost. That is why the florist guild offers its members paramilitary trainings and sends them off to bust out drug dealers. Authorities turn a blind eye on this vigilante work, though only as long as they get credited for the good results.

There are many reasons why people feel the need to use stickers. Sooner or later everybody turns insane and moves to Diggers' Hill. While many do not notice the subtle changes in their behavior, some do and try to hide them. A way to do that is by using stickers as anchors to reality. They use images that personifies what they think they were and behave as such. Ultimately they build a false world and do not even realize they are now living in a mad house. Other reasons include the need to flee reality or to try and improve one's general behavior through an easy fix.

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Economy

It has once been said that in order to fly you had to fall and somehow miss the ground. The economy of Million sort of follows this principle: it fell at some point, missed the crash, and then started soaring like never before! Since nobody seems or wants to admit this logic defying system is fundamentally flawed, the whole thing keeps on flying like a little bird spinning in a typhoon. Not the ideal, but not a crash either. Yet.

Everybody fits somewhere along the money chain. From the penniless beggar to the rich merchant to the furtive thief, each has a role to play in money redistribution. From a certain perspective, it is not quite unlike a food web and this helps explain why imaginative zoologists are in charge of Million's economy while economists are back to being only thrifty and frugal people. This special organization is the ZEBRA, or the Zoologists Economic Board of Revised Accounting.

In Million, many people can go literally insane over money. Considering the fact that each coin bears the staring face of the king on one side, that is hardly surprising. Some people have at one time suggested that money should be abolished, but everybody else refused because this would hinder their thriving economy. Instead it was proposed that the face could be replaced by the king's butt and its cute fluffy tail. The suggestion was adopted, but people still go crazy over money.

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Fire Brigades

While fire may represent a major threat elsewhere, in Million it does not get a chance to shine as much as it would like. Any fire reckless enough to try and take a stroll around runs the risk of encountering all sorts of water sources, from a foxy smooth shower to a seriously leaking cistern to a dangerous rogue puddle patiently waiting in ambush. Therefore, things rarely get out of control. At least the way they usually should.

Before the Butleran Revolt sent most city guards out of the force, Million had no organized firefighter squads. A couple of lords came up with the idea to change this in an effort to boost their chance of being elected. They recruited the former Militia members and formed the first fire brigades. Soon after however, every lord was sponsoring a team of firefighters. With too many brigades to fight the occasional fire, the situation soon turned, er, rather inflammable. When their services are actually required, different brigades will rush to the scene and beat each other up until the victorious can finally attend to their job, by which time the rain might actually have done it.

In their spare time, firefighters do all sorts of other tasks in order to show their sponsors care about the people. They serve as examples of what fine citizens should not do, they bully the public into paying and supporting their sponsors, and they rescue pets in trouble.

More recently, some firefighters have become concerned about the fact they spend more time being thugs than firefighters. While everybody else had already realized that, only a few dare to take actions. The relationship that developed between firefighters and firestarters is strangely symbiotic and destructive.

Fire brigades are usually named after their sponsor's, a district's or a street's name.

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Fog

Like your typical fantasy setting, Million stands somewhere on an unfinished map. However, in this case, this is explained by the fact that as far as anyone knows, the whole world is covered by a think fog, except for Million and its surroundings. The world is therefore divided in two distinct parts: Million and foggy country.

Theories such as natural phenomena or the imminent end of the world have been proposed but ultimately rejected as being either uninteresting or unrealistic. The preferred explanation is that the fog is actually created by the ghosts of the dead that have been steadily increasing in number since death was still a major concern. This solution better explains three important questions:

1. Why is the fog always there?

2. Why does it turn people insane?

3. Why has Million been spared from the fog?

The first question is easy to answer: the dead have nowhere else to go so they hang around. Now, why is that so is still under debate, but at least that does not directly question the existence of something that is there and stays there.

Answering the second question is simple as well: the dead and the living are not quite made to coexist and therefore some misunderstandings are bound to happen, a lot. Usually, the living mind does not cope very well with them.

The last question and its answer appeared with the accession to the throne by a mad prophesier. The king apparently struck a deal with the dead - known as the act of Accommodation and Decorum - and since then the ghosts were forbidden from entering Million and its immediate vicinity. In return, however, the living were forbidden to die and join the ghosts in the overly crowded rest of the world.

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Freeniners

These are the ghosts freed on the original mother's day. A list of the missing offenders was compiled from the registry and the final total numbered 39. They came to be known as the “freeniners" because someone tried to be clever and failed, but the name stuck anyway. The list was disclosed to ghost catchers and includes some well-known characters such as Jerry Jingle. To this day 13 have been recaptured, but the real identity of two of them is still questioned.

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Guilds, Clubs, and Societies

People form groups for various reasons and purposes but mainly because everybody else does it. Guilds, clubs and societies represent the basis of Million's social organization and therefore few are those who are not member of one or another.

Guilds are associations of merchants, artisans or otherwise crafty people. They maintain standards, protect the interests of their members, and are convinced they can do the same at the city level by meddling in politics. Since there is not only one guild per craft but one guild per technique and/or family, similar guilds are often involved in cold wars.

Societies are more intellectually oriented and their members associate together for purposes such as religion, culture, or science. Many societies were created by the ruling authority to deal with an issue of some sort. The wealthy and educated represent the typical society members, but there is always some place available for people ready to serve drinks and clean the rooms. Societies also play a role in politic, if only to try and bring an intellectual aspect to the whole business.

Clubs are by far the most numerous organizations with many lasting but a week while a few grow to become guilds or societies. They serve just about any purpose imaginable, be it for good or bad.

Sample of Organizations

Assassins Guild

Much like the necromancers, the assassins were left unemployed after the adoption of the MAD act. However, they effectively recycled themselves as butlers, cooks and maids and are now highly sought by rich people who like quiet and discreet staff able to disappear in the dark and get rid of pesky thieves.

Florists Guild

Since stickers hit the alleys, the florists have become a force the organized crime has to reckon with. Florists are expected to follow an extensive paramilitary training as well as to master various flower arrangements techniques.

Necromancers guild

Once a flourishing guild of creepy and rival funeral home owners, necromancers have returned to their sources and usually stick to talking with ghosts.

Private Investigators Guild

Private investigators privately investigate people and sell the reports to other people. They do not generally need to be hired to operate. Each guild specialize in certain type of people (aristocrats, orcs, chocolate lovers) or work for specific organizations (the MPD, the ruling council, the the Cover Up).

Thieves Guild

Thieves play a part in Million's economy. One of their main goals is to move around money that would otherwise remain stored. However, they have a quota to respect and all the guilds compete to get the biggest share. Those who are caught going over the quota face confinement.

Umbrella Makers Guild

The infamous guild whose pipes run all over Million. Its engineers have developed most of the city's technological advancements as well as very fashionable umbrellas. However, it is believed the guild has a secret agenda with a dark purpose.

Woodcutters Guild

Wood is used for many things in Million, but most trees grow in foggy country and only the bravest dare face its dangers. Woodcutters are well paid, but usually do not work for a very long time. An experienced woodcutter is one who went on more than two forays. Woodcutters dress in highly colored clothing in order to be more visible in the fog.

Anachronistic Society

The members of this society have the arduous task of proving that any anachronism recorded in Million is, in fact, not one at all. Anybody disagreeing with them is welcome to present their written arguments and the members will consider if a discussion would be amusing or necessary.

Lost Paradise Society

This society was created some years after the act of Mutual Accommodation and Decorum was passed. Its mandate was to find where the ghosts are supposed to go, why they cannot get there, and what it would take to send them there. Their most influential member, one Horace Philbert Lorecraft, realized the answer was out there and not that hard to find. He looked at the sky while drawing charts, he dreamed of strange creatures and places, and stalked the foggy harbor searching for odd people. Years later, he declared he had discovered the truth. He put it all down in a book, packed a suitcase, and went to spend the rest of his life locked somewhere in Diggers' Hill, where he still resides to this day, eating ice cream and writing letters to dead people.

The book, named the Neuronomicon, proved to be quite a challenge for the other society members. Unable to read it without turning bonkers themselves, but convinced Lorecraft had it all right, they decided that an altered state of mind was the solution. They are today credited for the discovery of a few potent hallucinogenic drugs. Whether they would help is anyone's guess since the Neuronomicon disappeared a long time ago, though a few incomplete copies are rumored to exist.

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Holidays and Festivities

Million counts many holidays and various festivities. These are either held on specific dates, days or sixes (the six days following the faces). While they serve various interests, holidays and festivities are notorious for being great occasions for parades of all sorts. And parades always make great opportunities for chaos and mayhem.

Sample holidays and festivities

Mothers' Day

Decades ago, a frenzied young man armed with a huge stick forced his way into a ghost prison and started breaking pots while looking for him mum, claiming it was not her fault if she had been savaged by a pumpkin and died. He was promptly arrested and confined, but not before he had successfully freed many ghosts. This offended most mothers who have since then chosen this very day to remind their sons not to be ungrateful.

Red Pots Sixes

To sensibilize people to this disease, many just leave around real red pots. By the end of the six days, the confusion is total. Mothers' Day follows right after, to the relief of many.

Religious Days

Referred to as Days of Wants, these are special days held in the honor of the gods. They include: Any Way You Want It Day, Everybody Wants You Day, I Just Want To Have Fun Day, I Want A New Drug Day, I Want Candy Day, I Want It All Day, I Want To Know What Love Is Day, I Want You To Want Me Day, I Want Your Sex Day, etc.

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Inn

Typical fantasy cities tend to have too much inns for their own good. Million is no exception, even if the average number of travelers at any moment tends to be zero. Inns act as taverns, serve cheap fast food and offer cramped rooms for people who do not need more than a bed for one reason or another. However, many innkeepers now offer larger rooms in an attempt to attract more people.

There is a fierce competition going on between inn owners: the higher the inn, the greater its status. An inn is typically rated half a star per floor. Comfort and security are entirely optional features that do not influence this general perception.

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Insanity

People do get old, sick and badly wounded, but do not usually die. Instead they go crazy, insane, mad, senile, whatever. They lose it one way or another and must eventually be removed from society.

Insane people are sent to a retirement house. Most of them are located in Diggers' Hill, which used to be Million's cemetery. It is now practically a city itself, though its inhabitants are mostly deranged people and care-takers. However, particularly disturbing or dangerous cases or those unable to afford the jingler's fees are not sent to Diggers' Hill but carried out in foggy country and locked-up in one of the many towers used to hold such people.

Investigating madness is sometimes slightly more complicated then investigating death since the victim can also turn out to be a problem all of its own as it is not very difficult for a crazy person to go around causing troubles. Much like death used to be, insanity can be natural, accidental, aligenic (caused by someone else), suigenic (caused by the patient) or undetermined. It is the job of the alienist to determine that.

An alienist is commonly known as a headcracker and sometimes called Jerry Jingle. Jerry was a very infamous alienist who unnecessarily sent many people to Diggers' Hill, usually into his own asylum. He was eventually shred to pieces by his own mad groupies. Alienists assist investigators, purge society, and spend lots of money on advertisement. Healing people of their madness is considered a fun but unnecessary hobby.

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King: the making of

As far as anyone can remember, a king always sat on Million's throne, though the title has not always been hereditary. There was a time when, upon the death of a king, a new one would be chosen from amongst the people. In these times, children could grow up thinking one day they would be the king, or the king's father, or maybe their grand child would be the king's neighbor. It kept people hopeful, a bit like lottery, except not quite so.

First, aspirants had to be elected. People talked and bullied and cheated their way into being voted by others. Once the voting was over, the count would be tallied and the results revised first by the chamber of lords, then the clergy, and finally by the ruling council who would select three names. The chosen aspirants were brought to the Legendary Beast. Though it was expected to choose from those three people, more often than not the Legendary Beast reminded everybody that it would not let mere humans dictate its choice. Once the final decision was made, Million had a new ruler.

And then one day the Legendary Beast made a rather unusual choice. A rabbit held by a little girl was showing off its fluffy tail and the Legendary Beast could not resist. It leaped from its dais and started chasing after the rabbit. This was taken as a sign. Many were those who thought this was quite ludicrous, but more thought a cute rabbit would make a nice king. In the end, the ruling council finally had to agree. Not because of the people's wishes, though, but because they came up with a nifty plan that would turn this farce to their advantage. Or so they thought.

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Law Enforcement

Prior to the butleran revolt, law enforcement was just another kind of criminal activity. Now the Million Police Department, or MPD, is properly, if slightly differently, serving and protecting the public. Of course, the first butlers, cooks, and maids who started it all are not that anymore. They have become respected peace officers. However, people have a hard time forgetting their humble origins, especially since the traditional manners and uniforms have been kept.

Ever since the revolt, the MPD's headquarter, Bakers Yard, has occupied the same spot at 122 Bakery Street. It used to be called Monty's Pastry Delicacies, but Monty, a cook himself, gave the rebels a base of operation before joining the revolt himself. Nowadays, the MPD is also called the Million Pastries Department and their specialty is cream-stuffed "peace pastries".

Besides the pastry department, the MPD counts three bureaus which address different issues in a professional and timely manner.

Departments

The Bureau of Reconciliation and Order

The BRO ensures the peace and quiet of the public and of private individuals by enforcing good manners, proper language, and orderly behavior. They patrol the streets of Million, reconcile disputes and take away troublesome elements. They also work very closely with the guild of private investigators in order to remain aware of important information concerning equally important people and are legally compelled to blackmail such people if it would guarantee peace and order would be upheld.

The Metropolitan Bureau of Investigation

The MBI handles crime investigation and purges the city of what may cause disturbances. They do not crack cases or solve crimes by themselves, however, but rather help people do so by providing them with clues on the perpetrators identity and whereabout. MBI agents also frequently team up with alienists, whether or not madness is directly involved. Finally, they often plan overly complicated sting and covert operations, but usually sub-contract these to special agents since their outstanding manners usually make peace officers easy to identify.

The Bureau of Civil Affairs

The BCA works closely with city officials and the ruling council in order to manage the city. Agents of the BCA take care of public health concerns, which include sanitation, sewer inspection, control of disease outbreaks, and drug fighting (which is sub-contracted to florists paramilitary groups). They also oversee urban planning and development and issus all sorts of permits. Finally, they are in charge of surveilling food and wine quality, stocks, and prices (using their own peace pastries as baseline reference).

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Legendary Beast

The Legendary Beast used to be a wise, omniscient, lordly and fabulous creature. It was believed to have been invested by the gods to choose the rightful heir to Million's throne. This in spite of the fact that there was absolutely no proof whatsoever to support that. But who needs proof when you have faith? And so, for many centuries, the Legendary Beast chose who was worthy to become Million's ruler.

In the end, the Legendary Beast had become rather dumb, ordinary and grouchy. Continued inbreeding to keep its line pure proved to be a bad idea after all. After having chosen a rabbit to be the king, the Legendary Beast was discarded altogether. Its ilk can now be seen roaming the streets and barking at people. Those who still have some respect for this proud heritage take them as pets.

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Leporid Dynasty

Million has got a king. To everybody he is the King, mainly because no one can quite make out the difference between this one and the previous one or if it is already the next one or even if it is a male or a female. It can be hard to tell if you know nothing about rabbits.

The rabbit king has been around for an awfully long time and he is bound to stay there since the title is now hereditary and he has enough descendants to justify the name of the city. But not everything is all cute and fluffy in Million's castle. Every rabbit wants to be king. Decades of subterfuge and backstabbing have turned them into a bunch of heartless and treacherous heirs. Indeed, the royal rabbits now possess abilities such as the dreaded Maddening Bunny Stare and other insane-no-jutsu secret techniques. They can easily drive a typical person nuts within minutes. Since they hone their skills on just about anyone, it can be quite a harrowing experience to visit the king's castle. So much so that visitors are required to wear a blindfold. This not only helps save them but also disguises the fact that the place really is a mess and in need of much repairs.

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Magic: the inevitable

Magic started a very long time ago, back when the dawn of humanity was still a thing of the present. People would gather together around a fire to share stories and weed. One night they mused that it would be awesome if magic was real and you could turn people into newts. One of them then said magic was real stuff and proved it by performing a neat trick using drinking cups and rocks.

To put it simply, magic in Million is just a big deception. It follows no rules or natural laws that can be disputed or disproved but instead works according to whatever concept one wishes. It just works in a tricky show off sort of way. But for all its coolness, magic is not quite the end all that people would want it to be. Most of the time, magic allows a practitioner to do just about the same thing as anybody else. They just do it in a way that seems to defy any logic. When they do more fantastic stuff, though, they always need secrecy and some sort of staging area. And when it does not work, people just find excuses, though magic is rarely blamed. Magic is that mysterious, it is.

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Million

So, Million looks like, well, a city. It has high stone walls and a maze of mostly clean cobbled streets, leaning towers and chimneys, jumbled buildings and invading cafe terraces, waterwheels and cisterns of all sizes, downspouts of all shapes and miles long pipe system that awkwardly and sometimes treacherously run all over the place. And at the center of it all, like a tarnished antique lying proudly on a mound of rubbish, stands the huge castle of the king.

Over its long existence, and even more so because of the disappearance of the rest of the world, Million has become home to countless people. Consequently, the city is now a medley of cultural influences that only manage to fit together in a quaint sort of way. Buildings are constantly altered to fit a new owner's vision or mood. The end result is an unusual architectural style that everybody criticizes and no one really likes.

Million is divided in many districts, each with its own identity, though going from one district into another can at times be very radical while at others be so subtle one only realizes it too late. Every district essentially offers the same things as the others but in differing style and quality. Many do have their specialties, though.

Sample of Districts

The Brass

Ultimately left with no boats going or coming from anywhere, Million's port was facing a bleak future. However, some clever entrepreneurs invested some time and money and soon the port was advertised as being full of Brilliantly Recycled Anchored Ships and Sails, or brass for short. They even used brass plates wherever they could. Yeah, very clever. But Million's inhabitants need all the place they can get and all those ships now serve as any other building.

Lost Angles

What city could be called a fantasy city without some sort of coliseum where people can sit with popcorn and enjoy furious and uncensored confrontations such as thumb wrestling, staring contests and dramatized police arrests. The Angular, Million's own coliseum, is a very popular center of attraction complete with souvenir shops and picnic areas for the family. Contrary to common belief, it was named after the district, not the opposite. Where the district got its name is a mystery.

Holy Hood

Named thusly because the main temples of Greed and Lust are located here, Holly Hood is where it all happens: greed and lust, fame and shame, wild days and nights. This is the district of noisy theaters and luxurious mansions, vain thespians, forgotten stars, adulated superstars, screaming fans, annoying paparazzi and nosy reporters, busy playwrights and stressed producers. Many people seek fortune and glory here, but only some do and few because of their talent.

Music Hall

Somehow named after the prestigious Million's University of Schooling and Education (the MUSE), this district represents the intellectual center. Multiple academic institutions are eager to entertain interested students with a wide variety of classes such as Advanced Experimental History, Economics of Zoology, Paradoxical Hermetic Studies and all sorts of other such nonsense. The headquarters of many societies are also are located here.

Red Light

Those believing salvation lies not with Greed and Lust need only take a brief stroll down the streets of Red Light District, named after its many holy fires that must be kept alight to ward off cold and impiety. The whole ward also bustles with packs of preachers dedicated to converting lost souls to obscure patrons such as the Lord of the Dance or to mystical bracelets that will bring balance in their owners' life. Anyone careless enough can easily lose money, mind and soul.

The following generator can help you quickly identify the mood of a district at any given time. Just click to find out what impression the PCs get from the neighborhood or how the residents will react to their presence or meddling.

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Newspapers

The people of Million like to be well informed and besides nosy neighbors they can count on many newspapers and magazines. While most of them are amateurish, boring, comical or do not last longer than a single print, two important newspapers have withstood the tests of time, public criticism and versatility to provide everybody with the latest gossips.

The Million Confessions is published by a bunch of monks known as the Clone Brothers. Most of them spend their entire life within the walls of their monastery where they copy, counterfeit, duplicate, multiply and reflect. Rumors and wild theories abound as to why the Million Confessions came to be. The only certainty is that the monks invented a cunning way to gather facts about the outside world: the confessional. Monks listen to people they do not know or see confessing about what they have seen others do, what they have heard others say, and what they think of others. A Million Confessions is a very popular and comprehensive handwritten repertoire of gossips published once a month.

Long ago, the Umbrella Makers Guild realized that: 1) information is power and 2) people want to be informed. Having already given much to Million and its inhabitants, they decided it was also their duty to keep them informed and this is why the guild sponsors its own newspaper: the Cover Up. Although rumors say the Cover Up uses the pipes as indiscreet listening devices, the official information gathering method remains the use of reporters. Unlike others, however, the reporters of the Cover Up are quite tenacious, if not downright intimidating, when it is time to get answers. Most people do not like them, but many agree they do get their facts. However, these facts then go through the editorial board, sanctioned by the Umbrella Makers Guild, and no one is certain if what comes out truly is what went in. The Cover Up is very popular because it tells people what they really need to know. It is printed once a week with very noisy hydraulic printing monstrosities.

Newspapers also work in collaboration with paparazzi. Not as technologically advanced as some others, paparazzi in Million instead rely on an uncanny skill: speed sketching. They can sketch almost any scene in a matter of seconds and always with a green pen. However, the final result depends more on subjective interpretation and subliminal messages than actual accuracy. While these drawings may be interpreted slightly differently by everybody, for some unknown reason members of the Expired World Society invariably see columns of moving symbols instead. They also believe the paparazzi are agents part of a monitoring network working for the original System Provider.

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People: culture and language

Be it due to fashion, tradition, or delusion, Million's inhabitants are quite diverse and mismatched. While there used to be many civilizations, most are now only remembered through bits of architecture or out of fashion clothes. However, modern fancies have produced some sort of whimsical cultural renaissance. Cultures in Million are constantly stereotyped, not because of racism, but out of necessity and simplicity. It is much easier to characterize a group of people with a few stereotypes than to try to understand who they are, especially since they might change next season.

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Pumpkins

Pumpkins are nightmarish creatures trying to find their place in a world that would rather not have anything to do with them. No one knows much about them, but everyone agrees that they represent a real danger.

While it remains a fact that nobody reliable has actually witnessed a toothy pumpkin carve its way through an innocent but delicious person, the threat alone is enough to justify the existence of professional pumpkin hunters, also called punters. These individuals have the dangerous task of keeping Million safe from the orange menace.

Punters have mastered the subtle and demanding art of stalking pumpkins. This can take hours and the trick is to approach the pumpkin without attracting its interest in order to deliver the final kick. One false move and the hunter is pumpkin lunch. While the whole process looks like a total waste of time, punters maintain that stalking is very necessary and therefore they demand lots of money.

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Races

One thing Million might seem to lack is the presence of fantasy races. Indeed, everybody and their uncle is a dull human. However, this was addressed by a popular movement unoriginally called the Façade.

It all began when a bunch of fiction writers decided to create stories about imaginary worlds. Their otherworldly characters became so popular they attracted devoted fandoms. Nowadays, fans form clubs dedicated to impersonating various fantasy races by using makeup, masks, costumes and phony languages. Fantasy races in Million really only are an aesthetic difference.

On a side note, the Villain People's hobby shops are quite popular with fans of the Façade who frequently visit these establishments. Now it is commonly believed that these role-players avidly use stickers to get into their persona. They are also suspected of performing weird ceremonies and worshiping pumpkins.

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Rain

With an average annual rainfall somewhere between too much and unrealistic, one would be tempted to think that weather forecasting would be a rather uninteresting hobby in Million. But people are always demanding and one cannot simply go on predicting just another rainy day. When not trying to determine the type of rain that will fall, weather forecasters are expected to find out accurately when it is not going to rain and for how long.

Rain has influenced Million's appearance, improved its inhabitants' quality of life, and inspired every successful designers. There is no rain god to thank for all that, though, so people tend to forget the impact rain has on their life but not on their mood.