Martial Arts Clichés

Martial Arts Clichés

It's pronounced Kara-tey.

RisusTalk submitted clichés

• Xiang Cheng / Feng Shui Master - Feeling the flow of Chi, Having a funky compas, Critizicing achitecture, redecorating, scribbling on magic scrolls, making amulets

• Guard of the Forbidden City - Having a long braid, wearing a cool uniform, knowing the emperor, being a eunuch

• Kick-Fu Fighter - Whirly kicking, across-the-room kicking, upside down helicopter kicking, kicking down doors, kicking through tables, kicking just because you can.

• Acrobat-Fu Fighter - Jumping around, doing lots of flippy things, having a gift for finding naturally-occuring uneven bars in urban sprawls, possibly even scissor-kicking someone.

• Gun-Fu Fighter - Drawing guns out of your belt / sleeves / ankle holster, shooting locks off doors, sliding across tables / floors / rooftops while shooting.

• Dance-Fu Fighter - Flipping around your girlfriend / sidekick / one of the bad guys / unsuspecting passer-by really fast so that your dance partner kicks all the bad guys and knocks 'em out.

• Improvised Weapon Master - Fighting people with chairs / tables / ladders / garbage can lids / fire hoses.

• Blade Whirler - Drawing blades really quick, flashing blades, spinning blades, maybe even stabbing somebody with one of your blades.

• Ninja - Wearing black pajamas, moving stealty-like, pole-vaulting up to a roof, throwing ninja stars, squinting a lot.

• Crazy Driver - Not being particularly choosy about who actually owns the cars you drive, miraculously finding the keys behind the sun shade, hotwiring a car in record time, flipping a car up sideways so you can drive down a narrow alleyway, finding lots of naturally-occurring inclined planes so you can jump over things, escaping from bad guys at a top-speed chase -- in reverse.

• Big Guy - Being tall, being fat, being broad-shouldered, being "big boned", thumping people.

• Bimbo/Girlfriend - Looking coy, wearing lots of makeup, wearing provocative outfits, screaming a lot.

• Store Owner - Looking pitiable / confused / innocent, getting picked on by local thugs, having lots of fruits and vegetables in bins that can be easily kicked over, NOT having a lot of money in the till.

• Gangsta - Signing, trash talking, wearing the colors, wearing stylin' high-top shoes, callin' on your gantsta buddies.

• Cop - Putting a siren on top of your unmarked beater car, showing people your badge, yelling "freeze", firing and THEN yelling "freeze".

• Hit Man - Not talking much, wearing a cheap suit, looking intimidating, stalking targets, telling people to go out in the alley but still not talking much.

• Zen Monk - Wearing orange robes, being bald, not being perturbed, uttering cryptic sayings that astound your friends and bewilder your enemies.

• Kid - Being plucky, using campy slang words, having a mom that loves you, stumbling into the bad guys lair, getting easily caught by the bad guys.

• Wino - Sleeping on park benches, drinking your hooch, being filthy, having an astounding amount of information at ready recall.

• Little Old Man - Being little, being old, being a man, having a scraggly Fu-Manchu goatee.

• Evil Sensei - Being gruff, having a crewcut and a big jaw, lumbering around your dojo while teaching your students to say "Strike hard! Strike first! No mercy sir!"